I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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