The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
