I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
