if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
