He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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