I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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