You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
