You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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