seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
