I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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