eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
