I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
