i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
