You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
