The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
