I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize