My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
