She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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