how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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