any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
