my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize