I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
