What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
