Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
