Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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