conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
