Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
PANTIES FOUND
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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