she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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