Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
