Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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