I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
