apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
