honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We are all done wearing pants today
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
