I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
