super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
