take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hippo gnu deer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
