piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i drank out of a bidet.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize