The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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