why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
