No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
