Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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