it hurts more in the daytime
You smell like stripper and shame
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
