Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
how drunk are you?
Several
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize