dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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