yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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