I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
