Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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