He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
