We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
