I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize