Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
