he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What drink are we having for lunch?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
