I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
