I cut my penus on the lid.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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