So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
