Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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