Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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