So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I believe in your delicious
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
