New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
