dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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