ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't put those talents on a resume
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
