It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
