hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
