i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize