took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
