and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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