Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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