It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
