will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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