it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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