My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
