we have pet lesbian snakes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
