I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
