Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
