You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize