Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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