I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
