puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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