note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
