she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
