I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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