Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is wine microwaveable?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
