wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
